Written and directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, “Crank: High Voltage” is an unabashed success. In the realm of absolutely pointless, mind-numbing, action-packed exploitation it gets a perfect score. But I liken this success to say, being a world yo-yo champion–nobody really cares.

Jason Statham (“The Transporter”) is back as Chev Chelios, a nearly super-human fantasy of the adolescent male psyche. The first images of the film show our hero rendered in 8-bit video game graphics falling from the sky. There is a quick cut into live-action just moments before Chelios slams into the roof of a taxicab, bounces absurdly high into the air, and then lands on the foreground pavement in a perfectly framed close-up with blood running down his face. A gang of hilariously suspicious men immediately arrive on the scene and scoop up the body planning to harvest the organs to sell on the black market. But, there are a couple of problems–Chelios isn’t dead, and he’s not happy that he’s missing a heart.

Much like the opening sequence, the remainder of the film is an exercise in absurdity.  It features Statham frantically searching for his real heart and the gangster that stole it (on whom he plans to exact his revenge); all while having to electrically charge his battery-powered artificial one every half hour or so using jumper cables, power lines, etc.

Neveldine and Taylor seem to be on a quest to shock, gross-out, and offend any who dare to enter the cinema.  None of these things are singularly deplorable when used for a specific purpose and in context with a broader goal.  But when the entire reason for shooting a feature film is to elicit these fleeting, purely reactionary emotions it’s an insult to the entire art of film.  The shock-value is diminished anyway when the film is marketed specifically as a film with the goal of shocking its audience.

Though wholly worthless in content, “Crank: High Voltage” isn’t entirely devoid of creativity in its art direction and photography.  There is a wide variety of resourceful, interesting, make-shift types of shots that offer some originiality in an otherwise despicable waste of time.

The is film too pointless and idiotic for adults.  It’s a film for simpletons.  Kids.  But it’s so horrifically violent, perverted, and pornographic that children aren’t allowed to see it.  So what we end up with is a film for no one.

(2 out of 5 stars)