Since the “Fast & Furious” folks have tortured us with four impossibly bad incarnations of their despicable macho adrenaline fest, and more sequels are undoubtedly on the horizon, we decided to throw our hat in the ring with ideas for five more movies in the franchise bringing the total to nine and making it a trilogy of trilogies.  They are:

#5
Title: “The Fast & The Furious 5: Vin’s Diesel”
The Pitch: It’s baffling to us that with a name like Vin Diesel there has yet to be a film dedicated to Vin driving a diesel truck.  This film will focus on Vin Diesel as the kingpin of a turbo-charged, 18-wheeler racing ring.  Just imagine the mindless destruction that would ensue, a la “Terminator 2″ when the T-1000 gets behind the wheel of a semi-truck in pursuit of John Connor.

#6
Title: “The Fast & The Furious Begins”
The Pitch: Who doesn’t love a good prequel?  This film will chronicle the childhood events that made Dominic Toretto and Brian O’Conner into the unapologetic speed-freaks that they are.  We’ll begin in their respective cribs and watch them develop into very fast and very furious Power Wheels drivers.

#7
Title: “7 Fast 7 Furious”
The Pitch: Since originality is frowned upon in this franchise (three of the four existing films follow almost exactly the same story line) the seventh installment will continue the tradition and again feature Paul Walker going under cover to break up an illegal street racing ring and then capturing Vin Diesel only to let him go once more.

#8
Title: “The Fast & The Furious 8: Slow & Content”
The Pitch: After decades of adrenaline-pumping, hair-raising action we suspect fans may need a little breather.  “Slow & Content,” will trade in classic muscle cars and souped-up imports for a healthy dose of law abiding Oldsmobiles and Buicks.  Don’t expect to see anyone changing lanes in an intersection in this film.  Also gone are Walker and Diesel’s furious scowls and intense stares.  Instead there very well may be instances of the elderly being escorted across busy streets and exemplary displays of common courtesy.

#9
Title: “The Fast & The Furious: The Final Drift”
The Pitch: Back to Tokyo we go for the final, most mind-numbingly action-packed portrayal of unlikable characters driving idiotic cars unnecessarily fast.  It will be one long car chase totaling four hours with all the CGI explosions, quick shots of feet stomping on accelerators, and, of course, drifting you can possibly imagine.